Nelson Children’s Center

Prior to a long flight home last week I picked up Stieg Larsson’s best-selling novel, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I quickly became engrossed in its mysterious, multi-layered plot and obsessed with one of the book’s main characters, Lisbeth Salander.

Lisbeth grew up as a Swedish ward of the State and now wore the look of a pale, anorexic young woman complete with numerous piercings and tattoos, including a dragon tattoo draped over her left shoulder blade. Her natural red hair was dyed raven black. Possessed with a very short fuse she was plagued with low self-esteem and an inability to trust.

What drew me in was that she was simultaneously both ruthless and vulnerable. Lisbeth was also brilliant, blessed with an innate ability to discover patterns that we ordinary mortals miss. I found myself both repulsed and cheering for her, want to both understand and help heal her.

Upon reflection, I realized that one reason I was so attracted to her is that this is not the first time I have met a girl like Lisbeth. Lisbeth is a variation of so many of the abused children that LSS cares for daily in its three children’s residential treatment centers. Children like 15-year-old Mary, who came to us for healing with a tattoo inked across her back, “Daddy’s Whore.” A girl, who during her first 15 years had never met an adult male who did not take advantage of her. A girl, when you dig a little deeper, you realize possesses innate, untapped intelligence and a hidden desire to both love and be loved.

Lisbeth also reminded me of Kevin, a seven-year-old who has witnessed and personally experienced more violence and aggression than you or I could even imagine. He is street-smart beyond his years but has no knowledge of manners or etiquette and does not know the meaning of the word “trust.” To the outsider he appears to be a dangerous, angry child.

For those of us who know these childrens’ pasts, we realize that we are not unlike Lisbeth’s kind-hearted boss, Dragan Armansky. We recognize that the Marys, Kevins, and Lisbeths of our world are simply hurting children of God in need of our love and care.

As the story unfolds, the girl with the dragon tattoo was able to overcome her horrific past and love and add value to those around her. Similarly, because of the help, healing, and hope provided to children like Mary and Kevin by our amazing staff and volunteers, they too have begun the healing process. We heal them with love; establishing boundaries; education via our unique charter schools, created especially to serve children who have experienced such a past; therapeutic and physical care; and, of course, spiritual care. In return, they are beginning to learn how to love back.

You and I have the opportunity to care for the girls and boys with the dragon tattoos that come into our own lives. We can personally get involved in the life of such a child or support the efforts of organizations like LSS. As you and I live out our lives of significance, we are reminded of the words of the Psalmist in Psalm 82:4: “Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

Dr. Kurt Senske is chief executive officer of Lutheran Social Services of the South and author of The Calling: Live a Life of Significance (forthcoming, November, 2010).

Following is a personal story of a recent adoption, as told through the eyes and hearts of the mom and dad (Scott and Carol Cook) and their 11-year old son, Ke’onte. The LSS adoption recruiter for Wendy’s Wonderful Kids™(WWK) in the Metroplex, LaMeaka Tapley, coordinated the adoption match.

Ke’onte tells his side:

At first you start out in a foster home like me. Then, you feel like you won’t get picked. I’ve been through all this stuff, and I’ll tell you about it….

My mom did something she wasn’t supposed to do. Then, there were police, which made me really scared. Next thing I knew, I was at an adoption headquarters place. I remember feeling just blank. Then, some driver picked me up and took me to my first foster home, which I liked okay. The next foster home was very fun, and I thought I felt happy. The foster home after that, I really didn’t like because I didn’t feel like I belonged. But soon, Carol and Scott invited me over to their house to spend a weekend with them. I was eager to know them. I really liked them because they were very nice. The next thing I know, “I’M ADOPTED!!!” During the next six months, I felt a lot of anxiety because I didn’t know if they would really like me and want to keep me. I found out later that they felt the same way about me, wondering if I was going to really like them! And by the way, I DID! Now, I’m in a loving home forEVER and EVER and protected. I have parents, two dogs, and two cats, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents (five of those!) and a best friend named Kyle. Now, I feel happy because I feel like I belong again to a family. Adoption is…awesome!

Ke’onte Markeith Jones Cook

And now the Cooks tell theirs:

We were looking for a little girl, but we prayed for the child God wanted for us to care for only. When our caseworker sent us a video clip of Ke’onte, which she received from WWK recruiter LaMeaka Tapley, she asked us to “just watch it and pray about him,” we knew there was something special about him and his story. We knew Ke’onte needed a home with a family who would not give up on him; but we also knew WE needed to be needed by someone. He tried his hardest to make us turn him away, to return him during his first three months, including trying to break down our front door (without actual success), break-dancing on his principal’s desk, and repeatedly asking us why we wanted him. But we wouldn’t give up.

Six months later, he is a completely different child. He is learning to trust more and more every day, and his anxieties and uncertainties have melted away almost completely. Now that the adoption is final and he had the support of his extended family there in the courtroom while the three of us were sworn in, Ke’onte has realized he finally belongs to a family who will love, respect, laugh, and support him forever.

To help commemorate our adoption, the three of us went that same day and adopted a kitten, named Boo, together from the Farmers Branch Animal Shelter. Ke’onte continuously amazes us by showing more and more compassion for others and animals. Currently, Ke’onte is planning to go to college to work with animals, hoping even to work with orca whales. He also won two first-place medals at a tae kwon do tournament in March, and received Exemplary on his reading and science portions of his TEKS test.

Proud parents,

Scott & Carol Cook

Most of the children residents at the Nelson Children’s Center in Denton, TX come from the state foster care system. This makes it difficult for caring family members to note and track any progress made as a result of being a Nelson Center resident. On occasion, residents are placed with the help of loving, caring family members who are able to see the difference.

Here is a moving letter we recently received, reprinted with permission from the adoptive parent of a child who was placed at the Nelson Center. Rachel is not her real name which was changed by request.

July 15, 2010

To Whom It May Concern:

My daughter, Rachel, was a resident at The Nelson Children’s Center in Denton, Texas during the fall and early spring of 2009-2010. During the months prior to her admission to The Nelson Center, Rachel had been hospitalized multiple times for severe mood disorder and aggression. As an adopted child, Rachel received assistance through Post-Adoption Services with funding and placement at Nelson.

The superb level of professional, caring treatment Rachel  received at Nelson was nothing short of miraculous. Nelson provided expert medical care that greatly improved Rachel’s physical and mental health. Group, individual, and family therapy sessions were scheduled regularly for Rachel and were extremely productive to the process of not only helping Rachel, but our family as well. The charter school located at Nelson is staffed by skilled, certified teachers who clearly care about each of their students. Rachel was able to salvage her ninth grade of high school as a result. The Nelson Center also took residents on many field trips that included Mavericks games, zoo visits, shopping trips, movies, and many more great activities. Opportunities for individual enrichment and growth were constantly offered. Volunteers often came to Nelson to teach special classes such as dance, or cheerleading that Rachel enjoyed greatly. Spiritual needs are also given priority at Nelson and Rachel loved attending the optional non-denominational church services there.

I was always impressed as a parent by the friendly, warm attitude of all the staff at every level. Rachel’s case workers, therapists, and coordinators were always available and prepared to answer questions. I was kept informed of any development regarding Rachel.

In a few short months, my daughter became a healthy, happy teen prepared to leave Nelson and move to a much less restrictive environment. She was accepted to Methodist Children’s Home in Waco, Texas where she continues to make progress toward coming home again. I’ve included a couple of photos of Rachel with this letter of recommendation to show how truly amazingly her progress was at Nelson. We are so grateful for our time at Nelson and I highly recommend The Nelson Center to anyone with a child suffering severe behavioral problems.

Sincerely,

Rachel’s Adoptive Mother

That phrase was poached from Marc Pitman, founder of FundraisingCoach.com, a website dedicated to practical ideas for fundraising more effectively. He has a point! Fundraising is not for the faint of heart. Asking for money is kind of scary. It means regular exposure to the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. While there can be triumphs of the human spirit, there are also a few crash landings along the way.

The consistently high quality services LSS strives to provide to children, the elderly, and others in need would not be possible if we weren’t able to conduct successful, ongoing fundraisers.

At LSS, the extreme fundraising athletes are called the Agency Advancement Team*. Led by senior vp David Kahle and vp for community/church relations Dan Zieschang, this group covers the territory of Texas meeting with donors and choreographing a series of annual events and benefits: “Make a Difference” in Austin, “Celebre La Buena Vida” in El Paso, “Caring for Kids” in Denton, “Spring Fling” in Lubbock, and “Change a Life at Bokenkamp” in Corpus Christi. Plus “Tomorrow’s Child” golf benefits in Austin, San Antonio, Houston, and Denton.

What drives these risk-takers? A great cause … the ministries of Lutheran Social Services, providing help, healing, and hope to seniors, those in financial need, and children in foster care and residential treatment centers.Please say a little prayer for David, Dan, and their team … for many safe and successful landings in the future!

*David and Dan are ably assisted by Kristy McKinney, Karen Bernstein, Delores Neutzler, Diane Covert, Susan Rang, Karen Kracht, Nicole Griesse, and grant writers Cecelia Blanford and Flo Shaw.

Child’s Choice is a pilot program within the Texas foster care system that gives kids a say in picking their foster homes. Successfully implemented in other states, Child’s Choice is the wave of the future for foster care in Texas. Melody McDonald, a reporter with the Fort Worth Star-Telegram recently filed this in-depth story about Child’s Choice at the Nelson Center.

Here is an outline of how Child’s Choice works:

Kids end up in the foster care system for a number of reasons. Unfortunately, abuse and neglect by the biological parent is far too often the reason. The trauma a child faces at home in an abusive situation is often compounded when they’re removed from the home and placed into foster care. It’s an unsettling time in an already unsettled life. Depending on the severity of the trauma, some kids will act out to the point where their foster families are unable to control them.

Typically, those kids are sent to a residential treatment center (RTC) like the three operated in Texas by Lutheran Social Services of the South: The Nelson Children’s Center in Denton; the Krause Children’s Center in Katy; and the New Life Children’s Center for girls in Canyon Lake. Once a child successfully completes a program at an RTC through hard work and achieving certain goals, the child is ready to go back to a foster family. Historically, that child won’t meet their new foster family until the day they are discharged from the RTC.  This can lead to a new traumatic situation that erases all the progress and hard work made by the child at the RTC. The Child’s Choice program aims to address this problem directly.

Child’s Choice pairs potential foster families with a child preparing to successfully exit an RTC program. During a 6-8 week period before being discharged, the child and the prospective foster family will have the opportunity to get to know each other. Based on that experience, the child, often for the first time, is empowered with the opportunity to decide if that family is the right one for him or her. This process is believed to help alleviate the anxiety and potential for further trauma in that child’s life.

Initially, the child fills out a simple questionnaire with some ideas about the kind of family that child might like, what they like to do, what their interests are. Caseworkers go to work matching a prospective family with that child. A participating foster parent typically visits the RTC to meet and get to know the child. They may go out on excursions together, or the child may sleep over at the house on a weekend. Potential foster parents may attend therapy sessions with the child. If all goes well and the child chooses to be fostered by that family, then they have a sense of where they are going and what to expect. If, for whatever reason, a child feels uncomfortable with a prospective foster family, they can say “no” and caseworkers will then screen another prospective family.

The Nelson Center in Denton is one of the first RTCs in Texas to implement Child’s Choice; two children are already placed with families and more are pending. New Life Children’s Center in Canyon Lake is also in the process of implementing Child’s Choice.

The first “Caring for Kids” fundraiser to benefit the Nelson Children’s Center in Denton was held on , May 1^st , as friends and supporters of the Nelson Center gathered at Delaney Vineyards & Winery in Grapevine for music, food, silent and live auctions, and to celebrate the 15 years the center has made a difference in the lives of its young residents.

For the uninitiated, Nelson Children’s Center is a residential treatment facility for children who have suffered the pain of severe abuse and neglect.  The benefit raised about $114,000,far exceeding our goal for this event.

Powerful highlight of the evening: Former Nelson Center resident Kai Adams told her story, and how the care she experienced at the Nelson Center turned her life around.

In a special appeal, LSS CEO Dr. Kurt Senske presented the need for a new educational resource building at Nelson, where school counselors, diagnosticians, mentors, and tutors can work one-on-one with children to help them achieve their personal and academic goals. Because of “Caring for Kids” the new building is now partially funded and on the drawing board.